Archive for the 'Spiritual Struggle' Category
“Things falling apart is a kind of testing and also a kind of healing. We think that the point is to pass the test or to overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It’s just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen, room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.” ~ Pema Chodron
So far this holy week it has been the Buddhist teacher Pema Chodron who has offered me the greatest wisdom for understanding and being present to this week of suffering, death, and resurrection. While I prepare my Easter sermon I am taking the challenge of being present to the whole story, to my whole story, and letting the story of new life emerge from that. Can we be here now? Wherever that is?
March 31 2010 | Death and Dying and Eternal Life and Spiritual Struggle | 2 Comments »
Do you suffer from perfectionism?
When you miss the turn to a store you wanted to go to do you say to yourself ”Oh, well… I didn’t really need to go,” instead of turning around to go back? When you miss a day with a new exercise routine do you then feel so ashamed and dissapointed with yourself that you don’t ever get back to it? Do you have trouble learning new things because you can’t stand to be in the place of not knowing what you are doing?
I believe perfectionism is one of the most destructive personal demons of our time, because it denies our very human nature. When we can’t have a do-over, when we can’t pick up and start again, when we can’t be in the place of not knowing, then we can’t change. And if we can’t change, we can’t grow, we can’t learn new things, we can’t play and discover all that we might in this exciting and fabulous creation that we’ve been invited to be a part.
So, as you may note… I am battling this personal demon of mine by picking up my abandoned blog and starting again… While I have visited my own feelings of shame and dissapointment for falling off the blogging wagon in the first place, I am giving myself a do-over, I am declaring all is not lost, I am getting back on the wagon and saying perfectionism be damned!
It’s good to be back!
March 03 2010 | Spiritual Struggle | No Comments »
Have you ever felt spiritually “vulnerable”? Like you’re standing in the stream of providence with no pants? I’m beginning to believe that in order to become spiritually mature beings it is this muscle movement, of practicing “spiritual vulnerability,” that is the most important to our spiritual regeneration.
What are some examples of being spiritually vulnerable? Well, it’s likely different for everyone but in general I believe we make ourselves spiritually vulnerable every time we show up with total honesty, with ourselves, with God, and with the people in our lives about where we are at, what we believe, who we think we are, what we want, and then leaving the outcome of all of this to God.
Phew…. it makes me a little dizzy thinking about it.
To be vulnerable is to be exposed. The dictionary definition of vulnerability is to not only be exposed, but exposed to possible attack or injury. It points first to the dangers of this state, because in all honesty there are dangers. If there weren’t it wouldn’t be hard! It is hard because when we leave ourselves open we can be hurt, we can be criticized, we can be taken to places we may feel afraid to go… AND it is in this state of openness, honesty, and trust where we can also be led to the most exciting, most nourishing and most heavenly new opportunities we could never imagine.
So what shall we choose?
To be spiritually vulnerable will likely be often an uncomfortable and overwhelming ride. Much more intense than any amusement park roller coaster, because this ride won’t necessarily let you off at the cotton candy booth. But perhaps it will bring us all some place much sweeter.
April 30 2008 | Spiritual Struggle | No Comments »
I went sailing recently for the first time and there was a Nor’easter. AND as the boat pitched and rolled over waves as large as itself, I found myself on the second morning, singing. While my body reeled with cold, sleeplessness and nausea from the continual sloshing of the sea, I somewhat instinctively began to sing and despite my physical suffering was reconnected to the majesty of the sea.
I share this story because yesterday I found myself in an incredibly similar situation on dry land. Again the same instinctual drive to sing came over me. I realized, as I rolled down the windows, turned up the stereo and began to belt out The Prince of Darkness by the Indigo Girls, that while I was not on the high seas, for all intents and purposes my boat was pitching.
We can be pitched around well enough in life without ever stepping foot on a sail boat. Life is hard. It is! And we will be prone to sea sickness, feeling overwhelmed, scared, frustrated, and more. But like being on a sail boat far from land, we don’t have the option of exiting the ride.
So what can we do?
Well, I chose to sing.
I wonder what you choose when the Nor’easter starts to blow and you feel like you are only barely keeping it together. Is there something you’ve found that helps you to smile in the midst of it, that helps you to hold on, that helps you to reconnect to the majesty?
I have to tell you reconnecting to the majesty won’t necessarily take away the sea sickness. It didn’t make me warmer or less nauseous, but it did make me smile, and it made me grateful, and well… eventually we made it to land.
When we reconnect to the majesty, we remember what is the most real. We can choose to give our attention to the difficulties, the fears, the frustrations, or we can turn our attention back to what is the most real, the peace that is always present in the midst of every moment, the glory of God.
I have a friend who goes to the movies to feel human again, she’ll go to the theater and see three films in one afternoon! Maybe you go to the gym, bake banana bread, or do somersaults. Whatever the practice or habit or hobby is for you don’t discount its power. Don’t think, oh, that’s silly, or there’s no time, or people are watching.
Life is hard. When you need to sing, sing!
April 17 2008 | Spiritual Struggle | No Comments »
I want to talk about forgiveness. I’ve been thinking about it a great deal today, in particular with myself. It is very difficult for me to let myself “off the hook” often for the most minor infractions. And what I’ve begun to discover is what a slippery slope being unforgiving can be.
The infractions build….. First it’s thoughtlessness with a friend. Then as I hold myself in contempt for the thoughtlessness I begin to feel depressed and depondent. Then I hold myself in contempt for being depressed and despondent, and on, and on, the cycle continues.
This cycle is so deadly and I’m certain directly from the hells. It can play out in seemingly small ways like I’m describing in my experience and likely in hugely violent ways as people trapped in guilt and bad feelings persist in deeper and deeper hurtful activities, never escaping this cycle of blame and punishment.
This is not what God wants for us. This is what Jesus teaches in John 20:23 “If you forgive anyone his sins, they are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven.”
We have a choice.
I want to choose to forgive. When we forgive ourselves and others we allow our sins, our stumblings, our guilt, to be removed by God. We allow the weight of guilt and shame and blame that weighs us down and only calls us to more darkness to be lifted that we may open to the lightness of love and compassion.
I want to choose to allow myself to receive the Lord’s unconditional love. I want to choose to accept my imperfections, my foibles, my mistakes, and not allow these stumblings to block me from all the joy that God is working to bring into the world and into my life.
If we all choose to forgive ourselves and each other could we together remove the sin of the world?
April 03 2008 | Spiritual Struggle | No Comments »
